Surrogacy is extremely misunderstood. You’ve likely heard many surrogate motherhood myths, both about being a surrogate and about the child’s parents.
The process is simpler, clearer, and available to more people than you might think. Let’s debunk these myths and make motherhood attainable for more people.
Surrogate Motherhood Myths: Adjusting Your Perception of the Lifegiving Practice
Before you decide whether surrogacy is right for you, spend some time getting to know the facts and dispel the myths. Perhaps you’ve never encountered a family who welcomed a child through surrogacy. Or maybe, you’ve only seen it play out on social media or in the lives of the rich and famous.
Regardless, it’s important to realize that some stigmas around surrogacy are simply not true.
Myth 1: Surrogacy is Illegal
There are only a few states where surrogacy is quite complex, or even downright illegal. Most areas of the U.S. allow for surrogacy but want to see clear contracts to prevent very challenging legal situations. Surrogacy laws are there to protect you from a terrible situation where there is no clarity around whose baby the surrogate has birthed.
You can go through a black-and-white surrogacy journey where everything is outlined, rights are clearly stated, and everyone knows their role and the corresponding legalities. You just need to enter into the agreement in the right state and with an agency equipped with good contracts and ready to guide you along the way.
Myth 2: Surrogacy is Only for Wealthy Celebrities
Surrogacy is not inexpensive, but neither is welcoming a child through traditional conception, paying the hospital bills, buying the baby gear, etc.
The cost of surrogacy will vary based on your unique factors, including whether you need egg and sperm donation, and if you have a surrogate lined up and willing to carry your child for nothing or next to nothing.
Parents longing for a child have also found creative ways to cover surrogacy expenses. Some work at employers long enough for their fertility treatment, adoption or surrogacy benefits to kick in. Others take out a personal loan or a home equity line of credit to leverage the assets they already have.
Myth 3: Women Choose Surrogacy to Avoid the Toll of Pregnancy on the Body
Many women and families who choose surrogacy deeply long to be pregnant and have been unable to conceive a baby on their own. They are not vain and worried about pregnancy destroying their body. No woman is choosing surrogacy to protect their figure, and if someone implies that, they don’t know the struggle of infertility or the challenges same-sex couples face with growing their families.
Myth 4: The Surrogate Might Try to Take Custody of the Baby
You’ve likely read headlines about a surrogate changing their mind and wanting to keep the baby. Some states have clearer surrogacy laws than others, and you should enter into a clear contract with your surrogate so that the baby’s custody is not in question. This is also a major reason to go through a surrogacy agency to ensure all the legalities are in place to protect your parental rights.
So while those headlines might be true, they result from handshake agreements or poorly executed surrogacy contracts. You won’t find those things at Accel Conceptions. We work from California where surrogacy has enforceable agreements that protect intended parents and surrogates alike.
Myth 5: Parents Who Use Surrogates Struggle to Bond with Their Babies
Just because you didn’t carry the baby through nine months of pregnancy does not mean you won’t bond with your new baby. Surrogacy agreements outline how quickly the intended parents can see and hold the baby. In most cases, it is right after birth. You’ll be amazed at how you build a bond with your child from those earliest moments.
Myth 6: Surrogates Must Pump After Birth for the Baby
Women considering serving as a surrogate have likely heard myths about the process too. One of those myths is that they must supply breastmilk for the baby.
While some intended parents want to provide breastmilk, this is part of the initial discussions and will be included or excluded from your surrogacy contract.
A good surrogacy agency will ask intake questions of both the surrogate and intended parents about their interest in supplying breastmilk to the baby. Those questions are just a few that help pair surrogates and intended parents.
Myth 7: Surrogates Only Want the Money
Many surrogates step up to help intended parents because of their love of motherhood. They’ve seen the transformative effects in their own lives and now they want to help others experience that transformation as well.
Some women choose to become surrogates after watching a friend or family member go through an infertility journey. Or perhaps the surrogate struggled at some point with infertility. Compensation helps cover the surrogate’s time and physical investment in the process. But they are there for so much more.
Myth 8: The Baby Will Only Have the Surrogate’s Genetics
Gestational surrogates share no DNA with the baby. In this case, a fertilized egg is transferred to the surrogate. This allows parents to use their own eggs and sperm so that the baby looks like them.
In traditional surrogacy, the surrogate’s eggs are fertilized with the intended father’s sperm or the sperm from a donor. So while it’s possible that the surrogate will share genetics with the baby, intended parents do have options to be connected genetically to their child.
Regardless of whether the surrogate shares genetics with the child, the intended parents will retain their legal rights as long as the surrogate and intended parents have entered into a legally binding contract at the start.
Meet with Accel Conceptions for Answers to Your Questions
Instead of going on the internet or listening to what others have to tell you about surrogacy, meet with the experts. Accel Conceptions will debunk all myths to clarify the surrogacy process as you evaluate whether it might be right for you. Contact us now to get started.