Gestational surrogates who complete the surrogacy journey often describe it as a profound experience. You’ve given life to someone’s dreams, which can be quite fulfilling.
But just the same, the weeks and months after delivery can be an emotional time. You can go from pride and joy to exhaustion and sadness in an instant.
One reason for that is there is so much emphasis on the pregnancy but the post surrogacy transition often doesn’t get enough care and preparation.
Spending some time getting to know what to expect emotionally, physically, and socially after delivery can provide surrogates with the right support fo the journey.
How Surrogates Can Deal with the Emotional Transition After Birth
As you enter your surrogacy journey, you’ll likely hear many around you saying that your emotions are likely tied to giving up the baby at birth. But research shows most gestational carriers feel fulfilled in helping intended parents grow their families.
The emotional adjustment after delivery is more physiological than that. Just like after any pregnancy, the body undergoes massive hormonal changes, which can be challenging.
Mood swings, tearfulnes, anxiety and fatigue are all common postpartum symptoms. Common doesn’t mean normal though, so talk to your provider about how you’re feeling and seek help if these challenges don’t start to decrease in the early weeks postpartum.
And after months of medical appointments, communicating with the baby’s intended parents, going through the physical changes of pregnancy, and being overall emotionally invested in the process, the postpartum period can feel emotionally disorienting.
You might feel closure and a sense of pride. Or your might be left wondering about your purpose now that you are no longer growing a life.
Know that there is no one correct response to your surrogacy journey coming to a close. Each experience is unique, and your feelings are valid.
Physical Recovery Post Surrogacy
Surrogates can try to do too much too soon postpartum, believing that life will just go back to how it was pre-pregnancy since they won’t be caring for a newborn.
Make sure you give yourself the time and space to heal. Your body will be going through the same postpartum recovery process as it would if you had a newborn in the home to care for.
Your recovery could include:
- Vaginal soreness or C-section healing
- Fatigue
- Hormone fluctuations
- Breatmilk production
- Sleep disruption due to the changes happening in the body
- Emotional sensitivity
Your body is still recovering from childbirth. Treat it with gentleness and care postpartum. Make plans during pregnancy for several quiet weeks at home to recover after delivery. Take the time seriously, and avoid rigorous activity until after your medical provider clears you to do so for the best long-term outcomes.
Consider postpartum counseling. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) recommends gestational carriers get counseling after birth for a smooth transition postpartum.
A Sudden Shift in the Relationship with the Intended Parents
Throughout the pregnancy, gestational carriers and intended parents communicate regularly. But that relationship can shift quickly after delivery as the intended parents adjust to life with a newborn.
For the gestational carrier, this can feel abrupt. But knowing it will likely happen can help surrogates prepare for the shift by reconnecting with friends quickly to help fill what might feel like a gap in your relationships.
And know that just because you don’t hear from the intended parents a great deal early on doesn’t mean the relationship is necessarily over. Some surrogates maintain a long-term relationship with parents. But other parents prefer to have space.
Sharing those expectations and before the birth about boundaries and preferred future contact can help prepare you for what to expect and avoid misunderstandings.
Benefits of Building a Support System Before Delivery
Having a strong support system in place is one of the best predictors of post-surrogacy adjustment.
Commonly, surrogates turn to these individuals in their lives as their support system:
- Spouse or partner
- Friends and family
- Mental health professionals
- Surrogacy agencies
- Surrogacy support groups or other women who have served as surrogates
Surrogates find that having others to connect to in the postpartum journey can help them work through the emotional and physical changes they go through. Open conversations with trusted friends or family members can ease the transition post-surrogacy.
Know the Signs of Postpartum Depression
Even if you’ve never experienced postpartum depression with another pregnancy before, it is still possible. Know the signs of postpartum depression and anxiety and seek immediate medical attention if you’re struggling in any of the following areas.
- Persistent sadness
- Difficulty sleeping
- Panic attacks
- Severe anxiety
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Withdrawal from loved ones
- Loss of interest in daily life
You are in no way a failure at serving as a surrogate if you feel down and depressed after delivery. Physiological changes postpartum can lead to depression or anxiety even in women who feel ready and well prepared for delivery.
Transitioning Back into the Swing of Life Post-Surrogacy
Transitioning post-surrogacy back into daily life can feel strange at first. You’ll be adjusting physically, emotionally, mentally, and socially. Recognize that the postpartum period can be filled with a mixture of joy and vulnerability.
Start preparing from the early days of your surrogacy journey for transitioning back to your daily routines postpartum with a good support system, including working with a surrogacy agency that understands and respects what surrogates go through.
Accel Conceptions supports surrogates beyond pregnancy to offer compassionate guidance, emotional support, and ongoing care to help ease the postpartum transition. Contact us now to learn more about how we treat our surrogates.